i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
