I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
