the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
