And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
