found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
