I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
