Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
worst night to have a conscience
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
