mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
All I want is dick and wine.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
