Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
