Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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