So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wish there were birth control emojis
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
as a side note pls kill me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
