Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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