the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
