First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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