Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
