I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
