While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
