Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
