yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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