Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
