I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
