I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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