Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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