: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
