I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
