So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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