come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
