WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
