The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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