At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
