Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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