a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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