At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
