i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
