just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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