He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
