Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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