Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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