I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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