omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
