Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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