Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
