Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
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