It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
