So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
