why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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