Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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