I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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