It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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