im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
