Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
