I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
