I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
